Sigh. 2018. Another year down, and another year ahead...
2018- Part 2
Okay, scratch that! Let me start over.
2018! Another year down! Another year ahead!
Was that better? I am trying SUPER hard to be positive in 2018! Turn my mindset around! Carpe diem! Seize the day and Hakuna Matata all that good stuff! But sometimes it's SO HARD. Logically, I know it's just another flip of the calendar (which reminds me I need to go get a new 2018 calendar, as poor Doug the Pug 2017 has reached his [timely] end...) but for some reason there is just SO MUCH PRESSURE every time a new year (or, similarly, a birthday) comes. We suddenly want to be THE BEST VERSIONS OF OURSELVES! As if by December of each year we are all grinches who are the WORST versions of ourselves and somehow the clock strikes midnight and we all reverse-Cinderella and are now the ME that we WANT TO BE. The one who reads more and stops drinking energy drinks (which, btw, quitting energy drinks has literally been by new years resolution for like... a decade straight) and does the dishes immediately after eating instead of just pushing them in the general direction of the kitchen and cursing later when the food is so caked on and then it has to soak for 47 hours to get clean......
Ummm is that just me? Where was I?
So, being the good little resolutioner that I am, I made new years resolutions!
And here we are, January 2nd, and I had already been failing.
I thought about writing a poem yesterday, and then... didn't.
I thought about diffusing oils this morning, and then... didn't.
I started tracking well yesterday and then shifted what I ate and could have updated my tracker and then... didn't
I thought about bringing The Obesity Code to Starbucks today to read and then... didn't.
I DID finish the book I was reading last night, but that's more of a passive activity, so I feel like it requires less thought than some of the others (though I don't know how much energy it actually requires to put oils in my diffuser and press... on...)
I brought my laptop to Starbucks today to meet with a friend about a summer program we are creating for teachers and thought about how I could hop on here after and write a blog! But then we met for 3 hours and I was just so TIRED by the end (I have been organizing the house NONSTOP for the last 2 days and my arm was totally flaring up... INJECTION TOMORROW BTW TO SEE IF I CAN GET SURGERY!!!!) and I had a migraine and I just thought.... I'll write in my blog later... (kinda full well knowing I probably... wouldn't)... and then a PERFECTLY TIMED TEXT FROM A DEAR DEAR FRIEND OF MINE CAME IN.
New Text Message:
"I came to a realization yesterday... I'm not doing this 'new year new me' stuff because for once in my life I actaully like who I am right now thankyouverymuch. New year, slight modifications to me? Anyway, this is your daily reminder that to me you are perfect just the way you are, or with mods, or literally any way you choose to be. Love you boo"
*Emoji with Heart eyes*
First of all, can we just take a moment to appreciate how INCREDIBLY LUCKY I AM TO HAVE PEOPLE LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE!? I have been friends with this amazing human being since SEVENTH grade (and if you can stay friends THROUGH puberty, PAST highschool, and into ADULTHOOD (and I don't mean turning 18 adulthood, I mean where you realize WTF WHERE DID MY YOUTH GO HOW AM I ACTUALLY AN ADULT WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR NOT ONLY MYSELF BUT OTHER LIVING CREATURES? adulthood) then you'll be friends FOREVER... You hear that, Karen?! FOREVERRRRR!)
Make this year count
This same friend also continued the sentiment on Facebook, explaining in a status update...
"I have some goals, I have some plans, but I'm not chaining myself to anything in 2018. Most importantly, there will be NO 'New year, new me.' I'm up for modifications and new lessons, but I'm not starting the year disliking myself. 2017 was spent upside down and inside out, spinning out of my comfort zone, and learning what I'm capable of and what means the most to me. I'm thankful that I had the chance to learn, and now I get to set forth in 2018 with a new mission in mind:
Be the badass that I already know I am (it's not 'that I can be' if it's already proven! haha), and make this year count. Here we go!"
New year, same (badass) me.
And I realized when I read this that I was doing myself a huge disservice with my new year's resolutions because although they are all things I really WANT to do, they were making me feel that if I DIDN'T do them that I was somehow LESSER of a person as a result. That somehow my self-worth was tied to researching keto, or that if I didn't pull a poem out of my butt that I was a FAILURE.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
So, I am going to follow her advice. "New year, same badass me."
I am going to try to focus more on the things that make me happy, healthy, and honor my time, because I think that's valuable, but I am NOT going to let the new year make me feel like I need to do a complete overhaul of who I am. Because, I will admit, I do have some pretty awesome qualities that make me who I am! So I am going to instead focus on those more! Because, in reality, that was what all of my resolutions were pointing towards ANYWAY... things that HIGHLIGHT the already amazing things happening in my life... writing (both in this blog, and poetry) allows me to dig into my creative side, which- self proclamation- is pretty amazing... researching keto and tracking my food only furthers the gains I made in my health over the 19 months... reading more and diffusing oils helps me relax, which can never be a bad thing!
ALL THE "RESOLUTIONS" I SET WERE POSITIVE THINGS! Yet they were making me feel so... BAD!!!
So, the only thing I am going to resolve for 2018 is to do what makes me happy and keeps me healthy.
And even as I re-read this blog and prepare to post, I feel somehow inadequate... like it's not enough... Like I want it somehow to be this BEAUTIFUL, LIFE CHANGING, EPIC creation... and I feel like that's a commonality many of us have (and I even see it in my students!!!) that if it's not PERFECT, it's not ENOUGH. But it IS enough. I AM ENOUGH.
I posted in Vegan Keto Made Simple (My FB group, which btw HAS ALMOST 16,000 MEMBERS LIKE WHAT) the other day something about mantras, but then I didn't even fully dive into the article that I POSTED. But I really think I need to heed my own advice.. I need to remember I AM ENOUGH JUST THE WAY I AM. Just because something might not be EVERYTHING I want it to be doesn't mean it's NOTHING. Whatever it ends up being is enough. Because I am enough.
I got Christmas gift that said "Que Sera Sera" (Whatever will be, will be), and I think I need to add this to my mantra! This doesn't mean that I stop pushing forward, but that I can't stress myself out to the point that I get sick and anxious with worries about what MIGHT be. Whatever will be will be. I will be.
I will be strong. I will be healthy. I will be happy. I will be enough.
And for now, this blog entry will also be enough. Cuz I'm posting it!
Vegan Keto Madi
P.S. YOU are enough, too. <3
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